I, Bryarly Bishop, am not perfect.
(Shocking, isn't it?)
I am, in fact, so emphatically imperfect that I have embarked on numerous plans of self-improvement throughout the years. One time I had to break a habit of chewing ice. Another time I made myself put my books down and talk to people. On multiple occasions I've forced myself to join a sports team I didn't think I'd be good at - volleyball, cross country and cricket being a few notable ones.
You'd think that someone with such a long history of tweaking and fiddling with their imperfections would have a method. A plan. Some sort of list, even. Ben Franklin did, after all.
The most recent personal project has been to cut down my sugar consumption. As mentioned over a year ago in my "I'm Addicted" video, I have a serious sweet tooth. In that video I joked about quitting chocolate. Later I wrote a blog post about it. While I wanted to express it in a funny way, I genuinely did give up chocolate for a while. Cold turkey. With strength and dignity!
It was terrible.
Though my personal chocolate ban has now lifted, I've somehow gotten into the habit of having something sweet after lunch AND dinner. Whether it's a cookie, a piece of chocolate, or ice cream, I always end up having something chock full o' sugar. Since I am, in fact, not a total idiot, I knew this wasn't really good for me. And by not really I mean definitely not - so I decided to cut back. Way back. All the way back.
Turns out I didn't trust myself to give up sugar in small steps. I know myself too well for that. If I'd tried to say, "Well, I'll have ice cream once a week," it would quickly have turned into, "Well, I'm sad today, so I'll just cheat a little..." and then, "Well, there's some left over, so I guess I'll just finish that..." and so on and so forth. Self-control? Psh. Like we have that here!
It's been going okay, not having sugar. I have indulged twice, but given that it's been 3-4 weeks I think that's pretty good!
Now that sugar consumption is down, I've been unable to resist picking at myself again. Not physically. Just....as a person.
I haven't been as productive as I would like lately. Lately meaning since graduation. In May.
Leaving my post-graduation existential crises (yep, that's multiple) aside, I tried to find other things that were holding me back. What I've decided is one of the problems is my tendency to start my day not with organization, or with emails, or with a book, but with webcomics and Tumblr.
Tumblr, as you might know, is a black hole of time suck. If you want to have free time, don't go to Tumblr - in fact, if you want any time at all, don't go to Tumblr. It's another one of those things where you can't go just once. You'll go, you'll have a look around your Dashboard, and then you'll come back every 30 minutes to see if something new has cropped up. Or, failing that, you'll start searching your tags - and everyone knows that's a rabbit hole.
I think that beginning the day with 'fun' things or with time-wasters is like playing with a tar baby before you go to your other chores. It seems okay at first, but then you get seriously stuck. It is nigh impossible to wrench yourself away.
In the interest of spending my time on things I actually care about or, at the very least, getting something - anything - done, I've decided to stop reading webcomics. And stop going to Cracked (which I officially stopped doing two years ago, but which I still occasionally visit) AND stop going to Tumblr unless it's after 8pm and I have no work to do.
Harsh? Maybe. But I like myself better when I spend my time on worthwhile things. And much as I love 'em, getting sucked in to stories and cat pictures when I could be making things of my own is just not as fulfilling.
What do you guys want to improve about yourselves, and how do you go about it?
Tracks
Death Cab for Cutie - I Will Possess Your Heart
Death Cab for Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan
Death Cab for Cutie - Crooked Teeth
Death Cab for Cutie - Tiny Vessels
Being addicted to chocolate, is not a bad thing. Unless you eat nothing else anymore of course...but if you only eat, like 3 or 4 chocolate bars a day, it's not that bad.
ReplyDeleteNow to my life. I would say that I used to be addicted to crisps...but after I realized that I absolutely need to loose some weight, I stopped eating so much. And I even have to say, if you're used to ignoring this obsession, you can get over it. I've now come to the point, where I don't eat crisps anymore...but have a new addiction. The internet. But I think it's fine, 'cause I still get good marks in school, and still have a social life. So I can deal with that! (:
I wish I spent more time writing. I can relate heavily with that Tumblr sentiment... I have a habit of scrolling back down to where I was before. It's... bad. Really bad. I spend AT LEAST 5 hours on Tumblr a day (I eat breakfast in front of it then go on after dinner until time for sleep).
ReplyDeleteEvery time I get away from it my productivity shoots up. I stopped going on for a week because of Uni stress and I got so much done. I went away from internet access and I spent half the day just writing things.
If I just got rid of Tumblr I feel like a lot of my problems would go away. Though only going on after a certain time IF I've done work sounds like a far better idea than outright quitting.
I used to have a serious sweet tooth as well, I was addicted to chocolate. If I couldn't find some in my house I would actually feel down! Once you hit about 4 weeks without it the cravings will disappear. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteWhat i wish to improve about myself is actually myself, not just physical but mental as well. Although I've been going to the gym one (and even twice when i have the time) each week for most of the year. Luckly, i wasn't the only one doing this and eat habits have changed too ( reducing eating unhealthy snacks eg Chocolate and crisps to only certain days... mostly the weekend as a treat). Gradually i'll get over things and eat healthier and exercise more.
ReplyDeleteHowever, mentally I've been going down, to the point when someone says 'what's your hobby's?' or 'what defines you?'. To be honest, i don't know how to answer these anymore. This year alone has had a lot changes, Mostly bad that have effected me. The connections with friends have been lost, we've gone off to uni and different paths. I've also lost interest in what i used to do, meaning in just spend time doing work, going to uni and ... tumblr.
Talking of tumblr, that has also impacted me in two ways... the good and bad. The good things being i'm talking to people online from around the world, i'm finding new things and art that on the odd occasion can help ( I do a Graphic communication and illustration course). The bad? I too spend too much time just scrolling on it (much as Youtube and most internet things). Sadly i've also done something that, although good that i generally finally said something to someone i care about, scars me every time i go on tumblr. Although it was done anonymously, confessing to someone known isn't the easiest thing to do.. nor is it when you crack and lose the chance to reveal yourself. lets leave it at that.
Anyway, my improvement is to find myself again, become someone i was before and even better. How am i going to do this? Not only am i setting it as my new years resolution but i'm going to force myself to do things i won't normally do and out of character.
'A change for good' i call this. :)
Lately, I've noticed that I'm cloistering myself because my introvert side is taking over. I'm very proud to be an introvert, but I've noticed that I've been seeing less and less people. I've been forcing myself to be social, hanging out with friends and making new friends. However, that has been so exhausting that I'm having a hard time trying to find a good balance again.
ReplyDeleteOne of the great issues it hat I've finally found a new group of friends who I like, are not assholes and genuinely good people with no motive. It's something I haven't had since college. I know I need to invest in these new friendships, but I'm so socially exhausted that my introverted side is crying for help. And it's not like we're hanging out every night, maybe once a week. But with all my other obligations, I feel like I can easily cut this one out; however, this is not what I want.
I have been working really hard on trying to learn guitar. It is a skill I have always wanted to have, but it seems imposible to get myself to practice. First, I tried having a rule saying I couldn't watch tv until I practiced. This worked for about two days and then, my roommate was asleep when I wanted to practice, so I gave in and said I'll practice later. I didn't.
ReplyDeleteCurrently, the only way I have found to make me practice is to have my guitar readily available my desk, so if I think I should practice, I can literally pick it up and start.
The tar baby analogy is perfect! I have exactly the same problem - I'm currently at uni and four days a week I have lectures at 9 or 10am, which are the days I normally manage to be really productive, but on Thursdays I'm only in from 3 and I end up wasting the whole morning because it feels like I can let myself check up on blogs and tumblr before I start working. I need to get into the habit of getting up and starting working straight away or revising for my January exams just isn't going to happen... I hope you have better luck at making yourself be productive than I usually seem to!
ReplyDeleteA friend of mine once said that it is worse for your wellbeing to cut down on certain food than to actually eat what you want - and I think she is right. My daily intake in sweets over the last year was...well, enormous. It has ceased by now - I think I just needed the extra energy then, and don´t need it now.
ReplyDeleteI do know it is important to eat healthy, but isn´t it also important to be happy?
I also believe that no woman should think about food so much. It is difficult, but we would all feel better if we would stop worrying about it too much.
I have to say I haven´t been following your blog or youtube account for that long, but I don´t think that you are that unproductive. I love reading you posts and I love your videos.
That´s what I wish I could do right now. Writing and finally start to realize some of my video ideas. I didn´t post a proper blog entry for a month, and I kept telling myself that I couldn´t write an entry or record a video because of university (I began to study in september) and instead watched series in the evenings and at weekends. Yeah, procrastination. It is annoying. But I wrote a list of all the things I want to do in between terms, hopefully that´ll help.
~girlwithcow
I have to agree largely with what girl_with_cow said on the issue of stuffing yourself with chocolate: sure it is important to be healthy but how much does an extra chocolate bar and the ensuing extra kilo matter in the long run? I try to have this attitude, although I find myself struggling with it - like most women do.
ReplyDeleteAt the moment, I'm persuading myself that my chocolate intake is balanced by my dance lessons (which is not really true, but I have almost succeeded in fooling myself). Furthermore, huge masses of snow cover my home country, Sweden, at the moment, which requires me to plough heavily through it every time I set a foot outside the door. I have almost convinced myself that this will make the calories, which I've had consumed, dissappear like magic. And, surely, the makes you freeze off every kilo that shouldn't really reside on that spot of stomache?
Well, well, enough about that. I will continue to munch my chocolate. The problem is I eat it because it's there. It's just too easy to find it, buy it, chew and swallow it, I'm afraid.
I really love your blog, by the way. You can see the thought you have put into each post, and I like that. Your texts always make me reflect on all kinds of things and I really love how you use your language (I'm such a language nerd).
This pretty much sums up my day as well, lol. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteI admire you for cutting back on unnecessaries and adding more time to being constructive! I'm addicted to tumblr and buying really useless things with my pay. Good luck to me I guess hehe
ReplyDelete1) I know Death Cab isn't some underground band or anything, but I still get excited when someone references I Will Possess Your Heart because it is my favorite song ever and also (despite the depressing nature of the song) my husband's and my "our song."
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm done being a crazy weird oversharer now.
I've always had a lot of difficulty with self-improvement. I want desperately to do this or that but I always just go "but that's so hard! I'll just start tomorrow..." Yeah, well, it doesn't work out that way. I only just recently managed to start getting out of bed at 9am though it's something I've been wanting to do for almost a year now.
I admire your setting goals and rules for yourself and I wish you good luck in them :]
It’s a good idea to work towards getting rid of the habits that we know will no good to us. Although its not possible to stop doing something if you are used to it for a long time, but one baby step at a time will surely take you towards the result you want to achieve.
ReplyDelete