People are difficult. Inherently difficult, I'd say. Not only are we all stuck between the blinders of our experience and our beliefs, but we're all the teensiest bit self-righteous. And nowhere does that come out more than on the Internet, where anonymity protects everyone while simultaneously giving them the right to vilify anyone else.
Recently, Jenna Marbles posted a video talking about sluts. I've seen people yelling at her and condemning her for slut shaming, getting mad at each other for saying things like, "But sex should be meaningful," and just generally losing their heads entirely. Let me say here and now that I am not writing this to get involved in that discussion. I plan to stay far, far away from it, and the reason is this.
I am so tired of people on the Internet.
Don't get me wrong - I like people, and I like the Internet. But it seems as though there's a controversial flare-up every day, even every hour, where people yell at each other about mistakes that have been made or phrases that have been used, about any issue that comes up, about anything they can think of, and I'm tired of it.
Do I think people should be treated fairly, justly, and equally? Of course I do.
Do I think that hurting animals is wrong? Of course I do.
Do I think it's unfair to judge people about anything and everything? Of course I do.
But it's getting to the point where there's so much anger and backlash to any opinion anyone gives, ever, that I don't want to be involved anymore. I thought about responding to the Jenna Marbles video controversy, but as soon as I realized the inevitable criticism I would get no matter what I said, I stopped. If I said, "She's totally slut-shaming! You should be able to have sex with whoever you want whenever and have it be fine!" then people would say I was saying that because I'm a slut and don't want to feel bad about it. If I said, "I totally agree with her! Girls should stop dressing slutty and sleeping with whomever!" then I would get called out for slut-shaming and keeping women's rights in the dark ages.
There is no way to be right on the Internet - and that's exhausting.
Every time I want to make a video or write a blog post, I have to think about its implications. I'm beginning to think that anything I say will get the comment equivalent of a scorpion sting. I know that people are allowed their opinions as I am mine, but the sheer number of opposing opinions and their overwhelming speed means that I feel like I've been stripped of my right to a public opinion. People are constantly trying to change not only others' opinions, but also their feelings, and that's a) tiresome and b) nearly impossible.
My friend Trey is a devout Catholic and I am an Atheist, but every time we've spoken about religion it's been calm, drama-free, and interesting. I like talking to him about it because it helps me feel out my beliefs or lack thereof and it gives me insight into why he thinks the way he does. Neither of us hates the other or tries to change the other, but we know that we think differently. And we're fine with it!
I want that kind of relationship with the Internet. If I say something dumb/inflammatory, I want to know about it, but I want to know about it in a reasonable way, e.g. "Hey, I see why you think that Obama's awesome, but I disagree for these reasons." Then I say, "Well, I'm still happy I voted for him because of X, Y and Z," and they say, "Okay, no worries. I preferred Romney!" and I say, "Okay!" and then we merrily go our separate ways.
This probably can't happen online. There are too many people, too many age levels, and too many trolls all milling about in the same place. I know we can't escape it, but I wish with all my heart that we could co-exist and disagree without winding ourselves up in indignation, self-righteousness, or rudeness.
Black Keys - Next Girl
Fun - All Alone
Civil Wars - Barton Hollow
Florence+The Machines - All This and Heaven Too
Mumford & Sons - Thistle and Weeds
Kanye West - Runaway
I don't really know you, and I don't think I have anything constructive to add, but I just really love this post. I wish there was less metaphorical (and actual) yelling and more calm discussion :( Anger is totally justified in a lot of circumstances, but change can't happen if everyone's an out-of-control tornado of anger.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your post. It was well worded, accurate and respectful as can be. People have a hard time understanding that others will not change their beliefs at the drop of a hat. That trying to force an opinion on someone else can be exhausting and frustrating for everyone involved, especially the one being "attacked". Anonymity adds that whole other dimension.
ReplyDeleteIt really bothers me when people explode about everything. I showed my friend the Jenna Marbles video and then I showed her a reaction video. My friend started yelling and arguing with me as we had different opinions and it got me thinking about why people have to start these flame-wars. Where do people get all this rage?
ReplyDeleteI love this post because it is so true. You can't say anything on the Internet without getting "hate" for it. It's so stupid. Why can't we all just share our opinions and be done with that? Oh yeah because the world isn't perfect.
ReplyDeleteFINALLY! A voice of reason! This is beautifully worded, and so true. I don't even bother trying to get into "discussions" anymore, because it's virtually impossible to win, no matter how many facts you have to back you up. It's just ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, Bryarly, please don't be afraid to make your videos/blogs about what YOU want to vlog/blog about. Part of why I love watching your videos is that they're just you - your thoughts, your musings, your opinions. Don't let the internet trolls take that away from you.
Absolutely. There are a lot of websites on the internet that used to serve as a safe haven for sharing one's thoughts and ideas, and I feel like that openness to attempt to understand another person's point-of-view is rapidly disappearing, and it is highly unfortunate.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with this. There definitely are intelligent people that can have a normal, polite discussion- but don't go looking for them on the internet. Some people seem to be able to deal with trolls, but I personally let it get to me waaay too much. If you don't have a thick skin try to avoid it, because even though I'd love to hear your opinion, I honestly don't think it's worth it.
ReplyDeleteEven take something simple, like your vlog on the similarities and Twilight and how that led to a huge backlash.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't leave the internet though. I think you've made great contributions and I like your silly creative videos and your vlogs and posts on more serious topics.
I agree completely! I think the same thing. It is frustrating to have to double, triple and quadruple think about what you post for fear of the reaction. I wish people could be more civil in their disagreement and more understanding in their general lives.
ReplyDeleteThis is honestly the most real thing I've read in a while. I don't understand why people are mean on the internet - it's like they get some kind of joy out of it. Maybe I should say that I don't understand HOW people are mean on the internet. Somehow, all the rules that govern normal lives disappear once someone sits down in front of a computer.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. Oh how I wish that humanity could discuss situations like the one you mentioned or politics (or anything for that matter) without getting hot-headed. There will always be conflict and disagreement--in real life and in "internet land." Unfortunately, some people stir up trouble for their own enjoyment and get more likes, while those with the moderate views get lost in the comments. Sometimes, the best option is to leave the situation...or just laugh. People can be immature.
ReplyDeleteI think most people that express themselves on the internet would agree with you. You are opening yourself up to critiques that otherwise may not happen offline because of social norms. Behind a keyboard, however, people are anonymous and don't have to answer to anybody. If you have a big following and have more eyes watching the things you're saying, you're going to get more of these responses. You could casually mention that you don't care for something as mundane as green tea and you'd be met with "You barbarian! Green tea is the nectar of the gods, how could you!?"
ReplyDeleteIn the right avenues the internet can be a wonderfully useful tool for creativity, discussion and education. I do think it's important not to shy away from talking about things that are important to you for fear of negativity. The Jenna Marbles video inspired some very intelligent and heartfelt responses that despite the backlash of their own has sparked discussions both on and offline that haven't been happening enough. That's progress.
I agree with you, completely.
ReplyDeleteI agree. I sometimes read stuff and I think that I disagree, but I have no need to prove my point only to have my opinion ripped apart. I love discussing things, especially religion, and me (christian) and my atheist friend filled school hours with us talking about that, sometimes even having little disputs, but after that going back to be normal and accepting towards eachother. Thnanks again for your blogpost, even if I might not agree at one point, they are always very well written and I enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteLong story short, I guess the thing we all want is respect to our opinions and kindness.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad more people are realizing the faults of the internet.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that the controversy springs out of the fact that there exist so many trolls or age-different groups- I think it's mostly the feeling of safety people get behind their pseudonym and their screens.
People are afraid of public opinion when it's directly linked to themselves as individuals. If Jenna Marbles stated all her beliefs in a conference of millions, on a stage, and then accepted comments from people in the audience, the number of people daring to speak their dumb, pointless and shallow thoughts would be comfortingly less.
However.
That doesn't mean that we should let the Nameless Criticism get to us. You obviously get that, still being here, but I just feel like pointing one thing out: Idiots have always had more confidence than intelligent people. I'm not accusing- merely observing. Their point of view is simplistic, and that usually means they can't think enough to realise they're saying something plain wrong.
Intelligence comes with a certain amount of dishearting awareness of what happens around us, and this is the problem of the Internet cause we're constantly bombarded with saddening stupidity.
one last thing: I'm new to your blog -and I've to admit I only found your channel and then blog because of Charlie-, and I'm still only 15 and living in a little island of the Meditarrenean Sea most people have never heard of before but my point is, you seem pretty amazing- don't let the condensed irrationality of the web get to you :)
You like Mumford & Sons. Yet another reason to be fond of you.
ReplyDeleteRe the topic: I recommend the debate/forensic process and mutually evaluating ideas, facts, and reasoning. Fun and worthwhile.
I'm opposed to shrill denunciations, ad hominem attack and ostracizing people from the discussion because they disagree with one's views.
'Come, let us reason together' remains a great invitation.
Honestly, if every time you post or share an opinion you're feeling scared of backlash, ask yourself: why do you share it? Why does it matter that a couple thousand people know your exact thoughts on whatever topic? Is this to boost some public image, or to feel the personal satisfaction that people have heard what you say and it matters? This is not to say that ANYONE deserves to be insulted by people on the internet, but if it causes you so much grief, just stop. It's getting tiresome. I really enjoy your videos, I think you're intelligent and witty and funny, but this is tiresome.
ReplyDeleteThis comment is the most surprising I've had on this blog. By complaining about the slew of vitriol on the internet, I've somehow pushed one of your buttons. I'm sorry. I would like to say, though, that if you find me tiresome it might be a good idea to spend your time elsewhere - you'll save both of us some unpleasantness.
DeleteThis is so true. People's opinions on the Internet ARE so exhausting. And it's true that none of the opinion is good. I think that the best solution to that is just not care. If the cause is important to you, you surely should take a side but if people are hating at each other, just leave it. Some people just cannot look at other side open-mindedly, that's all...
ReplyDeletePeople in general frustrates me. I miss the time when I could have conversations about topics without both sides yelling at each other and saying that the other is wrong. "To agree to disagree" is now the equivalent to "I don't want to talk about it anymore."
ReplyDeleteOne of my dearest conservative friends hates, as he calls me, the most middle neutral person he knows. It's to the point that he wishes I pick a side because he can't argue with me. Our conversations is balanced between I agree with him or disagree and provide supporting evidence that isn't critical or shaming the other side. (It helps being a sociology & philosophy major.)
Seriously though, I have friends who are very liberal, conservative, religious, atheists and I love it. However, I feel like everyone has become polar lately that they all want me to pick a side. Whether it's to argue or have someone back them up, it's frustrating. They all want to pick a fight with me and I refuse to do it. They get agitated while I just get exhausted.
I like having friends of a wide spectrum. I may not agree or disagree with all of them, but it allows me to find balance. I just wish people will find the balance in life too.
This post was a very good summary of what is wrong with the Internet.
ReplyDeleteOne of the most common places where you can get so much backlash for speaking your own mind is Tumblr. Especially the "social justice bloggers", but it's not just them.
If a post has a lot of notes, chances are at least one person who sees it on their dash will be offended. Now, it's perfectly acceptable to be offended by or disagree with something, but sometimes (or most of the time, I'm not sure how much), they decide to tell the poster of the thing they find unacceptable. Now, at this point, they could provide a clear and concise statement as to why they disagree with or are offended by the said content, and not send the ask primarily to put down the person in question, but for some reason, they choose to be blunt, uninformative and sometimes downright offensive- taking it out on the person who posted the said content whether it was completely their fault or not (usually by calling the person or the content that they posted offensive and often politically incorrect words). Nearly all the time when someone chooses this route, they choose to be Anonymous, which doesn't make them impossible to trace, but it does make it even worse for the person they're trying to put down.
This probably goes with many, many other sites, also, but I think Tumblr is a prime example. It mostly is and can be a great experience, but a few people like to mess it up for everyone else.
Oh my gosh, yes. I completely agree, and this was beautifully written. Why can't people just let other people have different opinions?? It's incredibly frustrating to have to worry about offending or angering people by merely having an opposing opinion.
ReplyDeleteI think it's really sad that the internet can almost be a forum for (intense) anger - and because it's so easy to access and/or reply/comment, people put their first reactionary nonsense out there without consideration - and because a lot of people have some weird sense of entitlement...?
ReplyDeleteI give up looking at a lot of comments on YouTube and especially IMDb. Everyone is just so rude!
Opinions aren't facts people - stop acting like they are!
It really is true. People should be able to agree to disagree. The world is full of variety and diversity because people can choose how they see things and what they want to believe, but for some people any belief that opposes there own is viewed as a threat. There seems to be a need to control what others think. Added to this is the anonymity of the internet, which means that anybody can say anything without having to take responsibiity for it. This leads to hurtful comments that get spewed out with little thought. If they were standing next to the person and could see there reactions immediately they would probably be more careful. Perhaps a kind of cowardice is at play, or maybe just carelessness... What would happen if those people got there way? World peace, utopia. Perhaps that is what they think will happen, but in truth the world will be a boring, one-dimensional place. Hooray for disagreements!!
ReplyDelete